for my mental health

Feeling a little overwhelmed May 15, 2007

Posted by fmmh in : Ramblings , trackback

How do other people do it?

Just a little stress, physical symptoms appear and I want to isolate.

It seems like forever since I have had an appointment with my counselor. I guess I quit.

I never understood counseling. Why go to counseling and talk about issues no one wants to hear, develop a strange one-side temporary relationship, and feel there’s never enough time to resolve the issues? Actually I always felt like my issues were petty compared to my counselor’s other patients’ issues or that my issues were creating an undue burden on my counselor. I’m sure that feeling has to do with my issues from my childhood.

So? So . . . I’d rather have a friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . I have a couple of friends. Of course, they live over a thousand miles away.

No chance I’ll make friends with someone closer because I hide in my home. I don’t feel up to making small talk with strangers in hopes to find friends to hang out with. Could I find a non-judgmental friend to love me for who I am? Highly doubtful. Inevitably, words I’d hear: “You look a mess girlfriend!” I do look a mess. I am a mess.

I start art school June 21st. I’m scared the stress will be too much for me. I’m already overwhelmed by daily life’s wifey and mommy routines, including projects I think I can do.

Sixteen years ago I attended my first college course, and I still don’t have a f-ing degree. Some people ask how many years of college have I completed . . . uh three years . . . yeah that’s it. Pathetically, it’s more like five years.

It means a lot to finish this art degree . . . kinda like Dorthy and Toto wanting to get home.